The Price of Normal, Part I: Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?*

The Standard Disclaimer is in effect, for talk about weight loss and exercise and bullying…. and me busting out the semi-obscure literary quotes.

I love how any class on the Endocrine system becomes a forum for diet tips and flogging the weight loss horse back to death. And by “love” I mean “I would walk out of the room if I was the type”. But still, today, I took a stand against the idea that Type 2 Diabetes is an affliction meant to punish people for a life not spent pursuing a terribly narrow vision of health. For slightly more articulate, less profanity-laced thoughts on the subject, read this post on how diabetics, specifically those with Type 2 Diabetes, are demonized and treated like they “brought it on themselves”.

I’m fairly new to Fat Acceptance and new to Fat Acceptance Blogging, sort of. I covered these issues on Jordi the Mighty before creating this blog, which is specifically for my thoughts on fat, being the face of the Obesity Crisis (onoes!) despite being only Technically Fat (according to the prima ballerina of all irrelevancies, the BMI), how I view the world with my newfound Fat Acceptance Goggles, and my commentary on the random bullshit that I now notice thanks to those goggles…and now that I notice, that would make one hell of an unfortunate acronym.

Despite my introversion I occasionally want to climb the rafters and shout from the rooftops, “IT’S OKAY TO BE THE SIZE THAT YOU ARE! YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHANGE!” I feel that way about lots of things other than fat, ranging from belief or nonbelief in religion, even to hobbies and interests.

Also, I might not be the best voice for the whole FA community, if one person really could be the voice for a whole entire movement. I do not know if I’m even doing it right, since I am one of those people who thinks that it’s okay to be whatever size you are, without sticking a bunch of caveats and qualifiers at the end. I sincerely believe that Fat Acceptance is for everyone, not just people participating in “good” behaviors. Not that there’s anything wrong with a balanced diet and physical activity. There’s a hell of a lot to be said of moving around and eating a wide variety of foods. However, I am one of those people. I am one of those people you see at fast food restaurants and I actually, actively dislike certain vegetables (asparagus and collard greens, the latter of which because I was made to choke so many down coming up…). I love all manner of “sinful” sweets and all those treats that are delicious but will surely consign me to Hell.
I loathe many of the exercises which “count” as such, I haven’t been to a gym since I first started college at 18, and am likely one of the least athletic people alive. That is, I don’t enjoy sports, and I suck at them. I much prefer surfing the internet or reading a book, and when I do exercise, I prefer things that do not “count”. Like dance or walking. Or bike riding, once I get a bike that is in riding shape. Fuck, I even have a yoga mat next to my computer desk at home. Mostly because if I don’t get some form of movement I get antsy (despite having had problems in my youth with overexercising, which will be covered in Part II). Furthermore, while I think that it’s awesome to eat organic, whole foods and stuff like that, and there may even be some benefit, I also think that those who push organic food as a panacea for all “modern” ills are bullshitting people, and the only thing they seek to cure is a severe, chronic edema of the wallet/pocketbook/purse/whatever you carry money in.

In other words, if not for my love of fruit and the many other varieties of veg out there and the fact that I like some form of movement, I would be the archetypal Bad Fatty. And yet, even if I didn’t have those things to fall back on, I still would not deserve ridicule, hatred, or being the target of Vague Future Health Threats.

Now that the appetizer is done, time for the main course!

So I wonder what would happen if I tried to be “normal”. One of the things I hear often as a smaller fat person is that I could be normal if I tried harder. I hear this in a great deal of contexts, actually, but to keep us on topic, I shall focus on weight. I am sure that if I “tried harder” and dieted, I would get to a smaller size and join the ranks of “normal”. If I “tried harder” and at least pretended that talks about various diets and complaining about how “bad” I’ve been and congratulating myself for how “good” I’ve been and all the stuff that goes along with dieting, yes. I would fit in and indeed get to be “normal”. Even if I fail epically at dieting and even if I gain all the weight back and then some (which is very, very likely), I will, at least by virtue of “doing something”, join the ranks of Normal, and find a place to belong. However, and this is a huge however, what does this mean for me? It means that I may have acceptance from my classmates and from family and from society as a whole, but since dieting doesn’t do squat for all the things it supposedly fixes (health, appearance, self-worth), what would I be left with but the hollow realization that I have given in. That’s right. I have told other people that trying to change yourself to prevent being treated like shit doesn’t do shit but makes you feel like shit. That changing for bullies means that the bullies win and that you lose. If I did throw myself, full-swing, back onto the carousel of dieting, I would gain acceptance but lose myself.

So I wonder:

Can I Pay the Price of Normal?

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This is all a rough, rough, rambly entry. Part II will be shorter, I promise.

*You win fifty Internets if you get this reference.